Making Friends with Change When You Feel Stuck

Nature is different things to different people. To some she is brutal, to some unpredictable. In my mind, above all else, she is kind. And every year, around these months, I'm reminded of just how kind.

The weeks of October and early November ring in winter across the northern plains of India. The days shorten, and warm sunny afternoons give way to cold, dry spells. We're never short of sun—this is India after all. But to feel your bones chatter even when tropical sun cuts through mist and fog is an experience as diverse and demanding as these lands. For all the warmth we enjoy year-round, Delhi winters can be harsh. Maybe that's why nature announces them so kindly.

As the temperature drops and we know there's no turning back, the Saptaparni or Scholar tree comes into full bloom across the plains. Its distinctive, cardamom-like aroma rings in winter in fully evocative style. As days shorten and winds sharpen, we're intoxicated by the Saptaparni's seasonal fragrance—strongest post-sunset. What would otherwise be a slow descent into winter's depths becomes a celebration of sense, time, and nature. The arrival of winter takes on a whole new dimension.

For anyone who thought change is synonymous with discomfort, I draw your attention to the festive announcements by the Saptaparni trees. If you truly want to understand and make friends with change, there's no better teacher than nature herself.

The Ever Changing You

Even now, as you read this, there's more in motion within you than your conscious mind may register. But this isn't where we're trained to direct our focus. If anything, we're drawn to resist it, grasping at any semblance of permanence. From the aging of your body to the birth of new cells, from the breakdown of your food to the combustion of fuel—you are change at work.

Isn't it interesting that we aspire for permanence while inhabiting the world we do and the bodies we have? It's almost as if we're setting ourselves up for challenge.

But eternity continues to hold our minds, hearts, and imaginations in its grip. From our love lives to our ambitions, we work so hard to draw our lives out of the constant cycles of change that often define them.

Is this a wise choice? The answer can be subjective—subjective to the context at hand, to the person and their purpose or aspirations. Yet tipping so far toward a desire for permanence introduces an imbalance into our lives. One that may seem trivial to begin with, but over time gains weight and momentum.

From the breakdown of the environment around us to the breakdowns of our mental, emotional, and physical health, the impact is clear for each of us to see.

Changing Your Dynamic with Change

There could be several reasons you seek to shift your relationship with change.

Change is the natural antidote to feeling stuck. If you're seeking something new, it may begin with cultivating a new personal dynamic with change. Whether to optimize your footprint in the world around you or to restore your health and well-being, making friends with change is an important toolkit on the path of growth—personally, professionally, and otherwise.

There could be a situation in your life that serves as an effective trigger for this to occur, or maybe a change in your perspective necessitates a shift. No matter the cause, at minimum, each of us needs to become more conscious of our relationship with change. Our lack of awareness on this front often blocks opportunities for change on our path and the choices these bring.

What would your conversation with your mirror sound like if you actually celebrated the emergence of every grey hair or timely shift in your body? What would your relationships be like if you actively factored change into how you felt and related to each other over the years? And how would you define success or failure if change was seen as an inherent part of every action, outcome, and process?

Whether you meditate on change as it comes knocking, or formulate plans that make room for the unexpected—making friends with change can alter how you relate to your efforts, ambitions, and experiences. And turning to nature can be the ideal starting point for this journey.

To help you get your bearings, here are three essential insights at the heart of change that can help you make friends with it.

1. Life and Death Co-Exist in Every Moment

Looking at things in black and white may seem simpler, but it disconnects us from the reality before us.

If we acknowledge that there's always something in motion, some change at play—however slow—we can see that no label or process exists in isolation. Any moment or experience can be described as a balance between polarities, and this can help us get a more truthful sense of the energies and possibilities at play.

The symbol of the yin-yang is a constant reminder of this. But even a walk in your local park can help you reaffirm this simple wisdom. You may find yourself walking on a bed of dead leaves even while spring is in full bloom, or be drawn by the aroma of new blooms at the height of icy winter. Life and death coexist in every moment and situation. Understanding these forces at play helps us better align with them, negotiate with them, or even turn the situation around.

2. Focus on the Path, Not Just the Destination

I recently had an insight. I discovered that many of my control issues anchored in my focus on outcomes and conclusions. I was so caught up with these being "perfect." Since conclusions are seen as fixed and final, and "perfection" is an unchanging benchmark, this naturally brought pressure and stress. Especially as we know better—change is imminent, and sooner or later these conclusions were always likely to give way to something new, triggering all those panic buttons.

I recognized that the balance between the path and the destination bore the same balance that exists between change and permanence. Being aware of the desired destination, yet focusing on the path emerged as a much wiser approach to my ambitions and plans.

Doing so helped me open my mind and assess my progress not against a fixed expectation or benchmark, but in line with the changes and shifts that played out along the way. This approach tempered the stress that comes with outcomes shifting over time, and it actively anchored me in a space of change and evolution.

Further, the possibilities now were broader—the path is ever-unfolding and can bring new ideas and opportunities around every turn. It became simpler to adapt and improvise than before.

3. Break Free of Singular Narratives

Learning to embrace change is about understanding that polarities coexist, rather than exist in isolation. Be this life and death, growth and withdrawal, beginnings and endings—learning to see both sides of the coin is vital to being able to work with both these energies. A big part of shifting your dynamic with change, therefore, lies in your own perspective.

We tend to create narratives that are rather one-sided—things are either going well, or they're rolling downhill. But think of any day or any relationship—it's rarely such. There are silver linings and little leads even on the darkest of days, and these aren't just products of optimism. This is the balance of nature and her forces. Changing how we weave these narratives, how we describe these situations and stories—to ourselves and to those around us—is key to making friends with change.

The energies and experiences on our path aren't as fixed as the words we use to describe them can be. This awareness can help us articulate our journey better and break free from the assumptions and judgments that hold us back.

Further, our understanding of change is caught in these singular narratives that often paint shifts as blatantly "good" or "bad," driving us to resist these with all the life we can muster. Case in point—our resistance to wrinkles or stretch marks, or other scars. But if you think about it, every scar and line on your body is a testament to a greater experience in your path. Reducing it to singular narratives is far from fair or wise.

When it comes to making friends with change, every thought and response you hold about it matters. We're conditioned to yearn for permanence, and while the eternal isn't the enemy, celebrating change is to celebrate all that makes us human. There's a beauty to this dance of forces, and we're given the opportunity to partake in it.